My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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