It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I am one with the molecules
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
