have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
