I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just invented taco cereal.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
as a side note pls kill me
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
