I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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