I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
