He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
