Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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