Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
