She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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