Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Im just a social blackout drinker.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
