So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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