I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
