Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
