Your tits are I can't wait for
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
