My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
