eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
