your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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