You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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