Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
