there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
