Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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