well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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