I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
