so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
