what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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