whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
