I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I skipped work to stalk him.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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