so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
