Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
