So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
