I just pynch a tree in the face
oh god the rape fog is back!
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
