Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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