if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
