dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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