i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
