im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
