he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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