Who wears a wallet chain?!
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
