i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
high people should be assigned attendants
My ATM looks so different sober.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
