Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
