I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I touched a dick in church today
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
