Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Hippo gnu deer
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
