Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
