Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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