Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
