Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he was CRYING into my vagina
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
