Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
