Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
how do you play pong handcuffed?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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