Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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