I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Someone signed my nipple.
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