So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
